New Baby and a New Life

Since my last blog (has it been 2 years already??) so many things have changed and evolved in my life. For starters, my baby David Alexander is already 20 months old. He'll be 2  November 10th. I also had another baby! His name is Josiah Christian and he joined our family on July 2nd. Rusty and I moved to Orlando, Florida and we finally got married back in January. I want to update every aspect of this blog, but there will be time enough. That being said, I want to take this time to talk about my kids.

Trinity is already 9 and she now knows how to play the recorder and read music! I am so proud of her. She is ever the helper and is my right hand on most days. She is mature beyond her years and aims to please. She is also very beautiful. She is looking to be an early bloomer and as I notice the changes taking place with her, I can't help but reflect on her firsts. She is bright and received an award for Honor Roll at the end of the school year for straight A's. She is amazing, energetic, and I am blessed as a mother to have a daughter like her. <3

Christopher is also doing well. We struggle a lot and some days are an outright battle when it comes to his studies. Yet Chris exudes love and tenderness. He has a sensitivity that is rarely seen anymore and a love that is pure. Christopher is unique. He is all playful gentleness. David loves him so much! Christopher has been especially thrown into his new role as big brother. He's had a hard time adjusting to his new role after being the "baby" in the family for so long. Yet, he shows a care with both Josiah and David that truly warms my heart. Rewards for him are as simple as a kiss and a hug. :)

Then there's David... ah, where do I begin describing David?? He is a firecracker. David is a ball of energy! He is a very playful, cheerful, little man. He is also almost annoyingly curious. Everyday he is a challenge to my sanity. He comes behind me as I am folding the laundry and knocks down a pile of folded clothes and laughingly runs off. Other days he purposely hides in the nook between the sofa and the wall and calls for help at the top of his lungs. If I am occupied he calls "Ma!" about ten times just to hear me say "What?" But he is also compassionate and empathetic, eager to make you laugh. He is especially attached to Trinity and follows her like a tail which is so endearing.

Within this picture of insanity, is born Josiah. He is 8 weeks old now. I try my best to savor him. There is something unique about him. Maybe it lies in the knowledge that I will not be having any more children. Maybe its the memory of each hurdle that I faced during my pregnancy with him-including a threatened miscarriage and the loss of what would have been his twin- but I find myself in awe of him. He is amazing. Even this early on, I see intelligence in his eyes, I see strength in the way he steadies his head and watches his siblings, and I see pure joy when I am able to attain one of his hard-to-get smiles. The children have been a bit put off but they are warming to him. David especially love to look at and touch his baby brother. He is fitting into our family just fine.

I didn't get to apply for FMLA with my job. So I left it. It was the best decision I have ever made. Some days are monotonous and I yearn with all my heart to have my brood of brothers and sisters around me. I often miss my family and feel a lonely ache in my chest as I remember our own childhood and the chaos of our humble home. But as I sit and nurse Josiah, watch my other three amazing kids play tag or hide-and-seek; as I take in the clothes all over the floor, the neglected pile of laundry on the corner and the heap of dishes to be washed, I think to myself, can life be any sweeter??

NOTE: We have been struggling a bit financially. I have started a page on GoFundMe.org. Please check out the link. Any help will be greatly appreciated.
http://www.gofundme.com/11b2bk

Change

I am 9 month pregnant. It's the homestretch so to speak. I'm big, bloated, and tired. Walking is difficult thanks to the tremendous amount of pressure I feel on my pelvis. I complain constantly about all the aches and pains and swelling. The only thing that gets me by is just knowing that my baby will be here soon.

Having this child has been an emotional roller-coaster. In the beginning I was ambivalent to say the least. I was terrified and totally unprepared. I imagined a million good reasons to terminate the pregnancy. Hell, I even went so far as to make an appointment at an abortion clinic. March 10 was the date I was due to go into the planned parenthood in Brooklyn to "discuss" the procedure. Looking back now, I can see how very messed up I was.

When I realized I was pregnant I was in the middle of a two-year limbo. I was lost in more ways than one. I was smoking a lot of pot every day, I had no purpose, no drive, and I felt as hopeless as could be. I wasn't in a good place to say the least. Finding out I was knocked up only made me hit the floor- hard. I didn't see it then, but destiny placed me right smack in the middle of a fork in the road. On the one hand I had heard of the school opportunity which I was in no way taking seriously, and on the other was the mindless b.s. I was already accustomed to. I had to make a choice and I misguidedly thought the pregnancy was really an inconvenience which would deter me from accomplishing anything.

Oh man, was I wrong! In the course of the months which followed, my life- and perspective- changed drastically. While in school, this baby gave me a drive I would never have possessed otherwise. He has given my life a new meaning. Because of this pregnancy I was forced to quit smoking pot which helped me get my purpose and drive back.

Nowadays, I sit back and feel the incredible life that stirs inside of me and wonder at the incredible miracle that is my unborn child. I can't wait to meet this amazing person. I imagine what he will look like, and the kind of character he'll have. Mostly, I thank the Lord everyday, because I know that this kid has an important destiny. He's already touched his mother's life in such an incredible way. 

 Tell Me About It!

Have you ever had a situation in your life come up which was seemingly negative, only to have great things come of it?

Purpose

Since I was in the 7th grade I loved writing. It came easy to me, and I loved getting lost in words. My 7th grade English teacher was a huge inspiration to me as well. He was the first person (other than my parents) to acknowledge that I had talent. In addition, he made writing fun for me. I would hear compliments and praise for my writing up until college. For a while, I imagined that I would be a great author and publish many books. I even fancied becoming rich off of my efforts. It was a great dream, and one I wish I would have actively pursued.
However, the road I ultimately took wound up much different. Without going too deep into detail, I didn't finish college and up until recently didn't really know what to do with my life. At this point, I LOVE technology and am finishing my exams to become CompTIA A+ certified. It is my hobby and I really enjoy working with and around computers. In that respect, I'm a total geek!
I decided to start this blog because I'm on my maternity leave pending my third child. In order to not die of boredom, I decided to do something constructive. My mom actually recommended I start blogging a while back and I've finally decided to take her advice. (Thanks mom!)
I should tell you before officially ending this entry, that I will be updating a few times a week to start. This blog will mostly be dedicated to day to day things. Anything that provokes my thinking or feelings. Of course comments and questions are welcome.